reflection?
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
well, it has been a while since i last update.
as usual, got caught up wif work and well, sleep and all.
If there is a line that can sums up my 08, it has to be 'working my ass off'.
But funny enough, i dare to say, i did have a great, awesome, wicked 08'. Truly.
Thats because, i get to spend it alone. Well, not techincally alone in my own world.
But, well, i meant singlehood.
It has been momentous. So much haps. I don't even know wer to start on my reflection.
WARNING!!!
Babes, i guess its really gonna be a LONG entry.
Its just mainly for me to just reflect on all the things that i have covered as a single 24 year old lady. So, you don't have to read em aite.
So, i guess I'll just continue writing. Wateva that comes along in my mind, i'll jot em down. :)
Prolly, many are doing the same thing as me...reflections, resolutions and all.
Its conventional.
But wadda hell.
Say, with all the stirring haps, i had my fair share of family problems.
Even more this year (with the drama @ hm). I shall not disclosed any detailed information but just say that someone really, really close to me had tried to end his/her life twice. It was distressing. i panick. I did not know wat to do. It was torturous. I was practically bawling through the phone, giving advices that i deemed sound @ that moment through the speaker. She's still so young and she had to go through all that on her own.
I'm sorry. You don't deserve all this. But things had to happen this way. I'm glad you are strong. (or so i perceive). You never open up to me. Keep havin that bold front of yours. You were crying n crying, lost and do not know what to do. Neither do I, as i was far away. and with the neighbours all coming over plus having to see that in front of you.... I'm sorry i wasn't there with you. I'm glad you're ok. i love you.
Things are not over though. :( *sobs*
Ya Allah, kumohon padamu, tabahkan lah hati orang yang sangat kusayang ini. Berilah dia ketenangan hati dan fikiran agar dia dapat menempuhi segala apa dugaan & cabaran yang telah Kau berikan padanya. Sesungguhnya, Engkau lah yang maha kuasa dan maha penyayang. Engkaulah yang maha mengetahui. Ampunkanlah dosa2 nya Ya Allah. Sesungguhnya, dia telah sesat dengan bisikan dan godaan syaitan.
I guess i know wer i get the genes from. All this negativity in me. All this low self-confidence. All this deep thinking shit. But i want to put a stop. I do not want to lead my life 'genetically'. I can do better. I have done well for quite sometym. I guess. Until recently. Again.
I'll do better.
Next year.
I'll slap myself the next tym i think negative. Period.
But well, people can't avoid those feelings sometym right?
I mean... shit. Here i go again.
Supi says "You're great the way you are darl. How many tyms must i tell you?"
Thank you Pi.
I'm talking to Pi ryte now.
"A date happens when the guy is wooing the girl."
I consider my meeting up with you and the rest of the guys as casual meet-ups.
Coz ur not wooing me. So yeah.
Isnt it Pi? Hehehe.
Nonetheless, I love you.
I rang up A.S. ytd to clarify things. Coz it actually bothers me why this Michelle left me a link to Fidah Haron. Which after further 'investigating' is a gal that A.S. has been seeing for quite sometime. According to him, he said that they are not together. He is just hanging on to her coz apparently he says, she does not know what she wants and that he is like a booty call to her. Is that how u put it? I'm not really good in my language. And i was like..."So, u came to me coz u can't really get through her?" WTH! I seriously dun get him. Never will. Nak kata ada darah India, takder pulak. Belit punya belit. Masya'Allah. He kept saying, "Yang penting I cari U." i blabbered summore wich i cant reli rmbr.. stuphs about him not doin self-reflection and the past. about him that could have been the one and all. and i was reli tired, i put down.
He texted "no words can eva make up 4 wat ive done.. i onli hope my actions wil prove 2 u odrwise.. nite2 dear.."
am i really over him? I mean its like its been a year plus2 already. I should have gotten over him like how Mai has gotten over Wan. But, i am still confused. lil bit. but wat matters is i got Supi now. I plan to keep him for a long time. Insya'allah.
Speaking of Supi, my friends all know that i have been going out with blind dates. A whole lot of em. I mean. I am not proudlah. I take it as a learning journey. As in learning about all the diff kinds of guys that exist. Wich was one of things that, i guess, i have accomplished this year. Until I met Supi. I am kinda contented with him. He's Mr Right Now. :)
Maybe later on i shall blabber on the guys. Maybe not. Isit the ryte tym for the list to be out? Maybe. Maybe not.
I done some crazy stuphs this year. Ok. Maybe not so crazy.
Rmrbr Herbalife?
Yeah. I tot i could change my life with it. Like how Titer n Tater change theirs. Wich was dramatic. They are healthier and happier people. But then again, they are discipline people as well. I'm happy for them. Truly. But, its been a while since i last meet up with them. I really have been a bad friend to them. So occupied with my own life that i ignore this two awesome persons that has shared some of ups n downs. Sorry titer n tater. I hate myself for always doing this to you. I'm sure you both are disappointed in me. :(
I had a memorable and grand (tho embarassing) birthday celebration this year. I won't forget 2008 coz of this. NEVER. Thank you again dear Az&Aez, Didi (and bro n ikin) and Mai. Ouh and Andy as well as Prabu. Ouh..not forgettin the gorgeous Abg-i-forgot-his-name(and band) who sang the birthday song for me @ PumpRoom.
I had been the mastermind for Az, Dids & Mai's birthday surprise this year which i hoped they would deemed memoreable. But of course with the help of the rest of em. I wouldnt have manage to pull em of if not from the help of the rest of the party. I hope you guys will rmbr ur 24th bdae surprise. I appreciate this friendship. Very much. No words can really convey how much i really treasure what i have wif you babes. I pray that Allah will let me have you in my life for as long as you all live.
Thank you Didi for including me in the NDP 08'. Marching along side aunties and uncles in the NTUC contigent. It was really2 great!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean Cool! Coz i've always love taking part in NDP. I oso duno why. hahaha.. I had the cheerleading thing during JC rmbr? So yeah. N with that, i gotto know two guys, 2 Yuses. hahah. Thank you Kak Sila n Kak Dilah, Mia, Idin n shit....i forgot the rest of the Abangs' names already for making it soooooooooooo memorable!! I still have yet to upload the video i've taken. heheheh..Sorry Idin. :P
Ouh, speaking of wich, i attended a good gig this year.
Yeah. Momo and Didi's gig.
at the esplanade. alongside other aspiring performers. You guys were marvellous!!!!
Thats why i was actually looking forward to another gig from you today!!!!!!!
"i perform private show for you lah. Wahaha...:P" Dids said.
I hold on to that ar!!!! WEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
Come to think of it, wow Didi.... i did quite a lot of things wif you sia this year!!
California Fitness.
Need I say more? Maybe I should.
Haizzzzzz....So much of losing all these fats that i have. So much for getting a lean body before my birthday huh?! hahaha... semangat dua minit orang kata. hahahah.. sekarang bulan-bulan burnt ajer $84. Gosh. thats why lah have to work my ass off each month. ahhahaha.. i am still wondering when am i gonna be done wif the installments. Wen ar didi?
Lemme c.... ermm..
Laughing Gas with Mai!!!
Thats a total new experience say. Its like.
"Ey amaciam...mau try laughing gas ke per?"
N well, Mustaffa plus Carpark.
Rest is well, history of 08.
But the session wif Azman was truly the best. Thanks Spasticsaurus!
oooh!!!! Thailand! Koh Pha Ngan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Full moon Party! The Beach!!!
The Shrooms! The weed!!!
Gosh!!! Yeah.. whole lot of entry on that one.
Its the highlight!!! But Alhamdulillah i got home before all the politic unrest at Bangkok started. Really man. But, I would love to go back there again. The Muay Thai, the guestroom, my dreads, the people and Shoppin at Chatuchak madness!!!
i would trade Mas wif Mai anytym man! Minus ur bimbotic moments k babe!
Thank you Harris and Zul. Missing your company guys! and ur irritating nonsense.
Harris, you owe me sth.
ok2. Mai called. Gtg bathe now!
Later2!
in case tak sempat, Happy New YEAR!!!!
HELLO 2009!!!!
