I know that I'll lose my nenek soon. Day by day...slowly she's fading away.
She has started to show signs of dementia.
I'm scared. I have expected that all these will happen some day...
But,
expecting is one thing...
Going through it...is a completely diff thing.
Umi has been telling me that she has been repeating the same questions w/o realising.
Like just now, she has asked Umi what time they will be back from JB 4 times...
I'm scared. I have not been praying... :(
What if Allah takes her away suddenly?
What if we are all not prepared for it?
What if I'm not ard? What if I don't get to spend time with her fully?
What if?
Ever since nenek stayed with us, so many problems arise back in Jurong. She's here, continuously feeling restless about the problems... always thinking about it... I don't know how to lessen her burden...
She is sleeping soundly in the room. But, when i talk to her later in the morning, she will tell me she has difficulty sleeping. :(
I still remember that time when her watch stopped working. She told me and Along to change the battery and told us that it is a gift from Arwah atok... such a precious watch.... We found out later from the watchsmith that its not the battery... it is the watch. We felt for her and we did not know how to tell it to her.. Her only memory of Atok cannot be used now......:( With Allah's miracle, when she put it back on her wrist, it started moving again. I guess Allah is telling us.. her time will come soon.. HE is giving us signs...
Dear Allah, I love her... truly.

No matter how many times you want me to push you to the toilet, I am willing.
No matter how many times you want me to cook you sayur, I am willing.
No matter how many times you want me to wrap your leg b4 you bathe, I am willing.
No matter how many times you want me to change channel for you, I am willing.
No matter how many times you want me to lift your leg up the bed, I am willing.
No matter how many times you need my company to go for your dressing, I am willing.
No matter how many times you ask me questions, repeatedly, I am willing to answer you.
No matter how many times you want me to dial your children's number for you, i am willing.
No matter how many times you say thank you to me, I'll say........

Tak payah cakap thank youlah nek.....to remind you that it is my duty to take care of you.

Sorry that sometimes i didnt get to wake up in the mornin to send you to the bathroom.
Sorry that sometimes i didnt get to accomapny you watch tv.
Sorry that sometimes i didnt hear you calling for me.
Sorry that sometimes i do not heed your advice.
Sorry that sometimes I don't have anything to talk to you about.

But, please know that I love you...
I really do...

I love you nenek...