let's stay as friends...
Sunday, April 18, 2010
i just need you to spend my saturdays with.
I just need to smell you even when i'm having a blocked nose.
I just need a hug from you even when you come to me all so smelly.
i just need to hold your hand when we lie down under the stars.
i just need you to listen to my whining and stories at the end of each day.
Am i asking too much?
i just need you.
grown
Thursday, April 8, 2010
i was browsing through ppl's profiles... basically ppl from my past, ppl who were part of my life back then. and i realised how much we all have grown.. the last time i remembered, we were reciting the Brownie promise together, we were still crying to Vitamin C's Graduation and also how we promised to stay friends forever... and here we are, today, at 26. some r strangers, some r still friends, some r married, and some, have even become parents... but looking at where i am right now.................................
i'm just farking disappointed with myself.
God, help me.
1st
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
today, he sent me home. right to my doorstep. :) *on cloud nine*
i just can't stop smiling! :)
we had fun chilling at our usual spot... it was really, really nice... weeeeeeeeeee!
i gave him a back massage coz he was really exhausted from his 2 shifts... he loved my massage.. weeee!
he then took my sweater and rested for a bit... he made funny noises when he slept. :) no snoring though. heh.
he asked me to play wif his hair... ;) his curly hair... :) he likes it.. :)
he took my hands and smelled them to sleep... i like...! :)
we bite each other... :) he kept pinching my cheeks... :)
the closeness... i miss this kinda closeness.. :)
when he stopped at my block, he put his bike on mainstand... i was already grinning to myself. i didnt let him see though... :) he walked 1st, i followed behind. threw our rubbish and then we went up d lift... he gave me my phone and ic.. n i still couldn't stop smiling!!! and then he went out 1st. i can tell that he is not used to it but he is trying... :) soooooo
cute lah! he walked quite fast... :)then when we reach at my doorstep, it was awkward. i said thank you.. he didn't hear it though.. and then he asked wers my keys.. i said ada.. still smiling.. :) and then as i reach for my keys, i said bye. he said bye too.. :) i should have gave him a thank you hug.. :) i miss him already... :)
you
Sunday, April 4, 2010
why is it that you don't say nice things to me?
why is it that you don't hug me when i'm cold?
why is it that you don't walk me up right to my doorstep when u send me home?
why is it that we don't have intellectual conversations?
why is it that all u talk about is this n that song/band?
why is it that you don't show me that you care?
why is it that you say those things? do u mean them?
why is it that you don't feel me?
why is it that you're different?
why is it that sometimes i feel ur world champion?
why is it that you're always the one telling the stories?
why is it that i feel my stories bore you?
why is it that you don't ask about my friends the way i ask about them?
why is it that i don't understand u?
why is it that you can't listen to me?
why is it that u can't be d simplest bit normal?
why is it that i like you?
i've no fucking idea.
worry
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
i think that i've gotten a lot from my mom. genetically, i think too much about things... a whole darn lot. gah. i worry that i won't suit him. worry i dun deserve him... worry wat his bestfriends might think of me. gah. we had a drama moment just now and then i really felt that and i told him as well that if he was with me right now, and he give me a big hug and tell me that everything's gonna be fine, i would be just fine, like feeling blessed. :) so we are good. time to let go... time to push myself up. :)
i texted ki telling him that i don't want anything to change between us coz i hate it... and he said don't worry coz he's not letting me off that easily.. :) and i texted him that i heart him. its the same way that i hv for supi... n he said that makes the 2 of us. i then jokingly said he never said i heart u too and he texted me this, "That's because I heart you like crazy, and forever more babe.. :) " oh mine ki............. :)
dang
the more i talk to him, the more 'wronger' this feels. arrrrggghhh!!
mixed emotions
i have told ki about him. somehow, one way or another, when i reached home, and when i talked to him, i really truly felt that i have made the wrong choice. this feeling sux. truly. it feels like i have just let go of some1 who is capable of loving me all his heart, for someone that i don't even know whether i can have a future with. what am i blinded by? i am always fucking confused. i felt the immediate difference just now... like he does not sit next to me, like he does not give that eye contact with me, like he smokes a whole lot just now.. what have i done? i have made the wrong choice. its too late to turn back now isnt it? tsk. el, what is el? as much as i'm feeling like this, i guess he deserve better...
